Damned if you buy, damned if you don't

That about sums up the position most parents find themselves in these days. Call it the trickle-down effect of peer pressure.
Parents cry this is a completely different world: not so long ago, a gift of books was welcomed by teenagers, but today, it's CD players, iPods, digicams and expensive phones. And there's no end to it: you give them something, it's outdated a week later, and they want a replacement.They have to keep up....
"The car you own determines your worth in your children's eyes today,"says Delhi-based executive Puja Sharma.
Keeping up with teenage daughter Mallika's endless demands is more tiring than her job. There was a stand-off for weeks before she gave in and bought her a cellphone. "I know I shouldn't be giving in even if I can afford it, but saying no is so difficult."
Who is to blame if things go awry? At Sanjivini, a counselling service, they believe the onus lies squarely on parents.
"It's the age of instant gratification. Parents also play the game: they tell their children 'if you get good marks, we'll get you a mobile',"says Nivedita Singh, chairperson.
"While bringing up kids is definitely a challenge today, parents should teach children how to delay gratification."Things like iPods, internet, mobiles have become the support system for kids, taking the place of human contact. They feel content when they get these, she says.
Parents in other cities aren't having it easy either. Says Swati Guha, who lives in Bangalore and has two sons aged 14 and 11: "I don't think we should be giving in to their demands, but my husband ends up doing so. My elder son first wanted a GameBoy, but now after getting an i-Pod, that lies forgotten. These are expensive products which he gets bored with very soon. He doesn't realise that not many have what he has."
In Kolkata, Shipra Banerjee, an ex-bank employee, complains: "My son Kaustav is just 18 and among his many "needs", is a motorbike. I have put off buying one till now, but I don't know for how long. There is tremendous pressure on me in the form of emotional blackmail."
Singh explains the parent-trap simply: "Because 'needs' are looked after, children think nothing of it. Now they want their 'wants' addressed."
Kaustav also wants to go for late nights at discos and parties because it is "hip"to do so. Trying to be strict with her son's aspirations ultimately boils down to bouts of severe fights followed by prolonged periods of cold wars.
"Apart from keeping a strict watch on him, what can I do?"Singh's reply: "Make sure they don't get everything easily."Easier said than done?
With inputs from Sharmishta Koushik, Bangalore and Jhimli Mukherjee Pandey, Kolkata